Renaissance Interior Design - Tip of the Month

June 2009

“Finding Common Ground”

Last month as Steven and I celebrated our 10th wedding anniversary, I was recalling the first piece of furniture we bought together. Because he moved into my house, I was eager to help him feel at home by surrounding himself with articles that he actually selected. Luckily, our design tastes are pretty similar; or perhaps I should say that most things I come up with, he wouldn't have envisioned necessarily but really likes. That is not often the case with couples.

In my experience, it's the exception and not the rule that couples have the same taste in interior design. Interestingly, even the gay couples with whom I've worked seem to have distinctly different tastes, so it may not be gender-related. Because in love opposites often attract, it's to be expected that these “opposite” couples will also process information differently. They probably have distinct natures and different temperaments; it stands to reason that they will be attracted to different colors, textures, and decors.

I have an amusing memory from a few years ago, when I was working with a professional couple. He was an engineer, and she was an attorney with a very creative, artistic nature. She asked me to bring some contemporary abstract artwork for their approval. He gazed at the prints and, with an expression bordering on repulsion, muttered, “Why do you like these?” She immediately became defensive and blurted out several intellectual reasons why modern art is important and how these pieces reflected the inner turmoil of the artist etc., etc. I delicately suggested that unknowingly, Hubby asked a trick question, that is to say one that had neither a right nor wrong answer. The bottom line is we love what we love because we love it. I counsel my couples clients not to ask their honeys to explain. Taste is highly personal and often idiosyncratic. Instead, try to find a common ground.

One exercise I highly recommend is to go to the interior design section of one of the large national bookstores in your area, you know, the ones that play great music and have comfy plush easy chairs for you to sit and read in. Select four or five books that depict particular design styles, such as craftsman, country, retro, “Zen,” traditional, etc. In a non-judgmental tone, simply flip through the books together and tell each other which styles appeal to you most.

Then, to make this exercise really count, I ask each person to make three columns on a sheet of paper. One column lists your absolute favorites, the middle column lists your ”I can live with this“ choices and the last columns lists the styles you absolutely can't tolerate. For a ready-made chart, print the Couples chart and take it to the bookstore with you.

I can assure you that this exercise really does work; the visual aids provided by the photos and the act of writing down one's preferences really articulates each person's point of view and encourages couples–or any two people sharing an abode–to find a common ground.

For example, I had a female client who loved country style. Her husband hated it. This exercise revealed that in actuality it was her love of hens and roosters and faded gingham fabric that her husband couldn't tolerate. Then the husband went through the books and selected Shaker style furniture. While the wife would have initially selected chunky Early American furniture, she also found herself drawn to the Shaker style her husband loved. Lo and behold, they realized they suddenly had a joint style. His clean-lined Shaker pieces would blend seamlessly with her country sensibility. She gave up her washed-out gingham fabrics in favor of bright and cheerful French provincial fabrics. Her hens and roosters were replaced with antique coffee pots, clocks, watering cans, and other rough-hewn objects from a simpler time. The couple was thrilled that their home was taking on a new personality, and they were heartened to see that they shared more commonalities than they previously believed.

So until next month, decorate from your heart!

Jayne